I tried. I tried so hard for you. I wanted this more than I’ve ever wanted it before.
I cherished the weeks we had. I cried when I had to let go. It doesn’t seem fair that it was taken from us so quickly.
We had many struggles to overcome and we could have. But, my sweet baby the Thrush just wouldn’t let go. Mommy tried. Mommy tried natural and traditional medicine but this Candida running through her body wouldn’t let go.
I know I tried my hardest. I know I gave it my all. I went through a lot and held on longer than most, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.I still feel like a failure.
I will grieve now. I’ll grieve the bonding experience of breastfeeding. I’ll grieve the comfort it gave you. I’ll mourn the loss of nature’s perfect milk for your body.
I’ll stare at the few pictures I took of you nursing and I’ll cry. I’ll shed many tears. I’ll have feelings of regret.
But one day I’ll be able to look back on this experience and know I did what I could. I fought hard. And I’ll look at those pictures and smile. Knowing that, even though it was brief we did have that special time together.
But for now, for now I’m just sad and sorry.