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If I Could Take Back The Day

I’m sick. If you couldn’t tell by the exhausted tone of the previous two blog posts. NeeNee brought home the cold/flu/not-really-sure-what-this-is last week and it has finally cycled through everyone and made it to me.

My house is a mess. My business tasks are even more piled up than before. My patience has left the building. And I feel like a terrible Mother.

Normally when I’m ill I still function pretty well. I’m a tough cookie and don’t let a little cold thingy knock me down. This time is different. I’m not really sure why.

I am particularly ashamed of my Mothering today. I hoped all day that my children would be able to forgive this day of extreme impatience and intolerance. And that my Husband wouldn’t be too disappointed with the disaster that awaited him.

Although fully aware of the bad day I was having, I still couldn’t talk myself out of who I was, or how I was behaving. I feel terrible. I’m aching, I’m stuffed up, my head hurts, I’m oh-so-tired… but more than anything my heart hurts that I’ve had one of those days where I’ve not lived the qualities of Jesus like I try and do each day.

Tonight after a couple hours of quiet, with children in bed, I tip toed into my older boys room to look at them sleeping. I secretly hoped my oldest was still awake so I could snuggle with him and be the Mommy he deserves and didn’t get today. He wasn’t. My heart sank. I covered up Zboy, walked over to NeeNee’s bed, reached down to cover him up and he opened his eyes.

“I love you Mama”, he quietly peeped while turning over to sleep.

Its what I needed more than anything. I stroked his face and hair, told him how much “I love you, sweet baby”, and left the room.

Though I can’t take back the day, I know tomorrow is always a new day. And even if I wake up still sick and tired and irritable, I have the power within myself to make it a better day.

I resolve that tomorrow I’ll be a better Mother.

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8 Comments

  1. I hear you. I have a cold, I’m exhausted, and this has been a busy weekend, so I was just sitting here thinking on how much I wish I could wake Luke up, hug him, and say I’m sorry. Instead, I’m resolving to mother better tomorrow. I hope the same for you

  2. We have all had days like this, where for whatever reason we are less than our best. I hope you rest well and feel better soon. You’re in good company.

  3. Oh, Nell! Everyone has days like this. What really counts, though, is the mother you are every single other day. Your kids know you love them. You’ll feel better soon, and be back to your normal Super Mom self!

  4. This happens to me more often than I care to admit. I lost patience with the ones I love most and wished I could have taken many days back. And just when I’m at the end of my rope feeling horrible about the mommy I was, mine too have quietly said “I Love You”. It’s wonderful to be a mom but don’t expect perfection from yourself always. Your little ones surely don’t and they love you anyway. 🙂

    Tomorrow will be better! I hope you feel better too.

  5. Let me just tell ya, yesterday I had a day like that and I WASN’T sick…I think we’ve all been there. Thank God, He seems to cover our faults with His love and our children seem to forgive and love despite our failings because they KNOW we love them with all that we are! Hang in there sister, and I hope you’re feeling better SOON!!!! 🙂

  6. I think we all have those days where we feel we are not being the mom we want and need to be. I have had plenty these last few weeks. With my pregnancy hormones soaring and not getting a full nights sleep in my patience has been not so high on the chart. I hope you feel better soon!

  7. Last night I was lying in bed just wallowing in the guilt of my mothering and everything I needed to do better. I remember closing my eyes and feeling the Lord tell me that I could do it all better tomorrow, and that He can make anything new.

    Steph

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