In the end, what will it have all meant?

Through this process of declining health, endless searching for the cause and the cure, and now hope and treatments; I’ve had many hours of time to reflect on why I’m here and what I’ll leave behind when I do leave this earth. {not any time soon, mind you!}

When life is good, you’re young and starting out, it’s often easy to get carried away with the day to day living that we all do. And there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, it’s important to let yourself get carried away with the sweet and simple goodness of each day. The normalcy and repetitiveness of the days often bring a true sense of comfort and joy.

However, when faced with the reality of our mortality I venture to guess most of us want to have done more than have gone to work day in and day out, been a great little employee, kept a beautiful home and so on and so forth. Even the importance of relationships with our children and family, I feel, must not be the only thing we strive for as our reason for being on this earth.

Though being a gentle, giving Mother is on the top of my list. And being a trustworthy and unconditional wife to my husband is up there also, I know that there is more to this life of mine that must be accomplished before my time is up.

But what is that?

I really struggled with that question for a long time. “Why am I here? What is this life really for?”

Now I know the answer to that. I know my answer to that question.

It isn’t about any one specific thing. I’m not looking at one thing to define that for me any longer. It means much more to me than volunteering at the local homeless shelter, or building a home for habitat for humanity, or even traveling to a foreign county to spread the news of Christ {though I’d love to do all of those things}.

It’s about the love, compassion and empathy of Christ, who lives within me, shining through to everyone I meet in this life.

In the every day moments, I so very much long to touch everyone around me with His love. Loving people, strangers, even those that aren’t typically easy to love isn’t a natural human trait on its own. The level of compassion I’ve felt for people since I was a tiny little girl was put their because of my deep love for Christ and His love for me.

So whether I thank the waitress who served me a hot meal with a smile, and am polite and filled with gratitude towards her, or I serve piping hot meals to the homeless that need to be loved more than some of us will ever realize; I want to exude love. His love.

It’s my greatest hope that I’ll leave behind love. That others will say of me:

“She loved with all her heart and gave of herself to anyone who needed it, or didn’t even know they needed it. The love she had for Jesus spilled out of her heart and into the lives of the people she came into contact with. It was always genuine and honest.”

I have a long way to go before I can truly say I’ve accomplished this goal of mine... this purpose, but I’ve been planted on this path since a wee little thing, and through a continuing deepening of my relationship with Christ I know I can overcome any obstacles that might still be standing in the way of letting the fullness of His love pour out of me and into the lives of those I touch.

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