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It’s Been a Rough Week…Induldge Me, Please.

I’m having a really trying week, emotionally and physically. I don’t often blog about my rough days. Not for any other reason except that I think it’s a given that we all have rough days.

But, this week has been especially difficult and I just feel like I need to share. My 3 year old has been showing signs of being on the Spectrum (autism spectrum) for quite some time now.

We are set for four evaluations with the school district on a variety of issues and one is being screened for being on the spectrum. Unbelievable all four are scheduled within the next two weeks…it’s going to be a bit overwhelming for both of us. It needs to get done, though.

So, this week everything just feels more overwhelming. Some of his behavior has been magnified in its intensity. I’m constantly breaking up the boys because my oldest is pushing him, poking him, pinching him…etc.

He is incredibly emotional and will cry when told no, asked to do something, or even if I simply leave the room. And these aren’t fits…he doesn’t throw himself down on the ground and kick and scream. It’s simply a good cry for whatever reason.

And, he can’t seem to handle me looking at him or even singing…in fact, last night I was singing like I normally do, and he kept shaking his head, put his hand out, and then laid down and began crying.

It’s just been rough. I love him dearly and only want the best for him. I hate to see him struggle with social interaction, normal love/dislike relationship with his younger brother (it’s more dislike), being able to hug, kiss, or even be tickled (he can’t handle much of that at all…and usually only with me), or even hold eye contact. There is much more, but I don’t feel I really need to get into it all to express how exhausted I am.

It breaks my heart for him and it’s overwhelming for me. I’m not one to “complain” or “vent”…not online and not offline. I’m usually a very strong, optimistic person. I just feel run down right now.

Whether or not my son is on the Autism Spectrum or not I know he needs help with many of the things I just mentioned. I’m so ready for these evaluations to give me an answer to the issues so that I can address them and help my son. The thought of finding out what is going on actually doesn’t scare me. It actually sends some relief my way.

I just needed to get that out and have a nice “there-there” pat on the back from my mommy blogging friends.

Okay, back to my boys now…

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20 Comments

  1. Okay, being a mom is hard enough sometimes. To deal with what you are dealing with, I think you have every right to feel overwhelmed. I can understand that a diagnosis would be freeing. Then you can go about treating it!!!

    I do want to say that you have inspired me to try and learn piano. My daughters have taken lessons for some time. It is time my oldest taught me something!! Take care!

  2. Oh love! I know – I really do know, how you feel…My son has been “in the system” since he was 18 months old, receiving OT and Speech, he’s also seen by a nutritionist because he’s SOOO very little.

    He has Sensory Integration Disorder with a speech delay – it’s so hard – hardly ANYONE understands him but me (though it is getting better) – he too also screams when I leave the room, and cries when you say no or ask him to do something. His social interaction is non existent – last year he started preschool, to try to help with that, but so far it’s not been much help.

    He’s a loving little boy, with a special heart – but life is so hard for him – heck even learning how to PLAY has been a HECK of a challenge (I thought kids just KNEW how to play, but not him!)

    It’s so hard, it’s almost like we have to actually morn the children we “dreamed” of having in a way – it was not until I allowed myself to do just that – that I came to a peace about the situation and the little boy that he is – It’s not about what he “cant” do it’s about what he CAN!

    Though that’s hard to express to strangers when they say – HE’s STILL in diapers, or He’s STILL nursing, or He’s HOW OLD – since he looks like your average 1 1/2-2 year old, not an almost 4 year old.

    Have faith, take your time and TRUST your gut! 🙂

  3. Kelly, thank you for your kind words…and congrats on Piano!

    Jenn, you don’t know how much your comment has touched me … it is nice to know people who can relate.

  4. Nell
    My Wonderboy is on the spectrum to. Hes got Asbergers. You have all my support and prayers. Once you get him tested and on the road to transition and education for you and him things will get much better. It’s all a long process but the rewards will out weigh it all.

  5. Oh Nell! Things will get better! You are a great mom so no matter what happens you will get through this. You are a very strong woman! 😉

    I gave a shout out to you on my blog today, and you really are an inspiration…I do mean that.

  6. Like Kelly said… being a mom is tough enough without added stress in.

    My 7 year old is a trying child. He’s not autistic or anything. He is just more “needy” (lack of better word). His feeling get hurt faster, he gets “out of sorts” easier, etc.

    ((hugs)) sometimes you just need someone to vent to with. 🙂

  7. I truly believe all kids are special in their own little way. I know it can be draining with others and not so others. I believe that is why God put all us mommy’s together so we could get through it together on the parenting journey.

    Hang in there! There will be light at the end of tunnel. Nicky has came so far and here in our household you know we are all so proud of him. I know it has to be tough and no I’m not in your shoes so I just don’t know how tough it is :(. But just remember we are all here to support you through anything. Much love to you all!

  8. Nell, I’ll be lifting you and your son up in prayer as you go through the evaluations and find out what paths lie ahead for you. I know it’ll be a relief to find out what’s going on and what can be done.

  9. HUGS to you both Nell! I hope the tests come back with accurate results (whatever they may be) so that a great plan can be but into place for that loveable guy you have. It must be so hard to go through this and I admire the way you are really able to step back and really see how hard this is for your lil’ guy too!!

    HUGS!!
    Aurelia

  10. Oh gosh, I am so sorry to hear this. I know how I was battling thoughts and emotions when my oldest was symptomatic for Celiac Disease. It was such a traumatic time! (Know it is ok for you to express your feelings and even get a little angry.) I am thinking and praying for you. Be strong! (((HUGS)))

    Lori

  11. I can only imagine how hard that must be. I have a brain injured child, and it is difficult at best.
    The best thing we’ve ever done for him was to have him take Chlorella. It curbs the anger and makes him more calm all the time, and easier to reason with. And his learning curve turned from all F’s to no F’s in one grading period! If we had tried this when he was little his life would have been so much easier.
    It is just a seaweed, basically, so there are no bad side effects, only good!
    Let me know if you want to know more or give it a try. I’ve always wanted to see what it does with someone with autism, I really believe it can help.

  12. Nell that must be hard. I’ve been so blessed because my kids haven’t had any problems, health wise. I’m very empathetic to your plight though. I know you are ready for some answers.

  13. Nell, here’s another there, there pat on the back. I understand. I have 3 boys undergoing further evaluations with the next three weeks.

    Whatever the issue your son is dealing with, you will handle it. I have two on the spectrum and they are beautiful, loving boys, intelligent…I just have had to learn “their world” “their language”. You know what, it’s a beautiful world…if people just learn to understand it and embrace it.

    I’d be glad to chat anytime. Not an expert by any means, but I am a mom who lives with 3 special needs sons and I’d love to help you in any way possible. Hugs.

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