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Locked and Loaded

She said, “here’s the astronaut gear” as she placed this vented ‘mask’ over my face while I laid flat on my back. My head was in a vice…okay, so maybe not a vice but I was locked in there pretty good.

I had an IV in my arm for the die to push through my veins and into my head. With ear phones on with Christian music, I was pushed into the closed MRI.

For the next 40 minutes I listened to my heart beating in my head and a whole bunch of brain thumping noise coming from the machine. I’m still totally unsure as to why they put ear phones on you, as I heard nothing but the noise of the machine.

I didn’t move. Not one bit. No hands, no feet, no cough, nothing… just swallowing. For heaven’s sake, I didn’t want to end up repeating this process again.

As I laid perfectly still in this tube, my mind wandered. It wandered a lot. And I had many conversations with God. Not about anything morbid and heavy, as I have a good amount of peace, but rather it wandered to what I want to do with my future. It wandered to my ‘to-do’ list. In between wandering, I flinched a couple of times due to the brain throbbing pain from the noises in the tube. And then it went back to talking with God and thinking about life in general.

Now it’s a waiting game. They don’t tell you anything while you’re there. Though I’m certain that if anything is obviously wrong the techs can tell… but they don’t let on. I wait and pray that it isn’t anything serious. And if there is something wrong, it’s easily healed.

It might sound silly for someone to want to find something out… but after you’ve lived with pain left undiagnosed for so long you just want to know so you can take care of it and get on with life. And when ones health turns for the worse in only the span of a weeks time, one is even more hurried to find the root of the problem.

Today I go on with my daily life. I wipe my sick kids noses, hope my oldest son makes it through school today (poor guy still doesn’t feel good) and will try and take a nap and rest. I’m sure I’ll think about it and I’ll jump every time the phone rings…but it’ll be another day, like any other.

Well, kinda.

EDITED: Saw the doctor today. I have new symptoms and old ones are getting worse. The MRI was fine. That is good and not good. Good… no brain tumors. Bad… no idea what is going on. I have a ton of blood work scheduled for tomorrow morning. She is checking my adrenals and a plethora of other stuff. I can’t keep this up much longer before I lose my mind. I feel like I could go on that mystery diagnosis show.

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11 Comments

  1. Oh honey… I’m sorry that they couldn’t tell you what’s wrong, but thankful that it’s not a brain tumor or anything like that!
    You’re still in my prayers…
    .-= Corinne´s last blog ..Sobering gifts =-.

  2. Nell dear, I hope you get answers quickly! I’ve also been experiencing some stuff that will be checked out next week so I know how you feel. Thank goodness that so far no news is more or less good news. But I know how crazy it can make you feel when you think something is wrong and you just wish a doctor would finally confirm or deny one way or the other!

    Here’s a {{HUG}} and you know you have so many people out there sending good vibes and prayers!!! Keep hugging those kids and wiping those noses…best medicine ever, right?
    .-= Jen Knox´s last blog ..Some Conveniences Are Just Too Expensive =-.

  3. Still praying for answers for you! Glad the MRI is over with though. I’ve had to go through two of those, and they are not fun. I really, really hope this blood work comes back with some answers. The not knowing is definitely the most frustrating part.
    .-= Madeline´s last blog ..Love Is In The Air =-.

  4. Been thinking about you every day, Nell. How scary to have to go through an MRI…

    I’m catching up on reading my favorite blogs (that includes YOU) and I’m reading in reverse order so I’m hoping that the next post that I read is all about how you are 100% recovered… 🙂
    .-= Stephanie´s last blog ..Make Someone’s Day — Give…Baked Goods =-.

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