This Spring marks ten years since the bite that infected me, and my unborn son, with Lyme disease and co-infections.
Ten years of sickness for me and for him.
Ten years of pain and sorrow, weakness and fatigue.
Ten years of a long fought battle.
Ten years in the trenches. Ten years of it affecting my parenting and marriage.
What can I say? It’s been a long journey.
But the whole time, He’s been with me. Even when I got mad at Him for not healing me quick enough. Even when I doubted His goodness. Even when I put up a wall. He’s not taken it personally. He knows. He gets it. And He loves me no matter what emotions I have toward Him. He knows my heart and my heart has always been for Him. Even when my emotions screamed at Him.
I may never be healed this side of heaven. I might always worry for my child’s health. Only God knows the answers. But, I’m beginning to become okay with that. Not that I’m okay with being sick, or watching my child battle. But, I’m becoming okay with the fact that, even while we suffer on earth, heaven awaits with perfect bodies. Even if healing never happens here, it will in heaven. This life isn’t promised to be good or easy. But we are promised to have a savior who will never leave us or forsake of us.
And so I hold onto a good God.
He holds onto me.
And we walk this journey together.