My kids are out of town right now and I’m all alone during the day. With the exception of Monday-Thursday, at which time my husband will be home with me. It’s quiet and there’s a different depth of peace in the home right now. I’ve found more time for reading and listening to audio books. More time for projects, like stitching and jewelry making. And while these are all good things, I do miss my children. My husband and I are enjoying each other, but both have expressed our hearts for missing our boys.
They are enjoying life right now at the ocean with their grandparents. I’m blessed with great in-laws who adore their grandkids and love spending time with them. And aren’t afraid of long trips with three young boys. Shoot, that terrifies even me! I pray my children always remember these special times with their Grandma and Papa. I also hope the opportunity to go back to Missouri to allow them time with my parents presents itself every year. I know as children turn into teens and then teens to young adults they can often drift away from their grandparents. It’s the generation gap, I believe. I’m praying against that though and asking God to keep their relationships close even as time passes and the kids age.
I had a dream last night that my husband and I sold our home and cars, bought an RV, homeschooled the kids, and traveled the states for a year. It was so real. In the dream, Adam and I felt great peace. Like, both of us had finally found what made us happy in life – being with each other and traveling. Funny how dreams come about. I have no idea why I would dream such a thing. But now that I’ve dreamed such a dream, something has come alive in me. I would love to do that. It’s probably a long shot. Well, it is a long shot. Maybe one day we can do something smaller, like travel in the summer.
The dream also sparked more of an interest in homeschooling the kids. Really, it was my heart speaking to my dreams because I’ve had the desire to homeschool them since my oldest was in preschool. I’ve been ill with Lyme disease, which has impacted my ability to do many things well, one of which being homeschooling the children…and while Nick, my oldest, enjoyed school – Zane and Dash do not. Especially Zane. I really want him to enjoy school but he is a different kind of learner. He doesn’t find it stimulating to sit in a chair most of the day learning. I know he would do better in a one-on-one environment where we could tailor his curriculum to suit him better. I see so much potential in him. I want to encourage that in him. But I have to make sure my husband would be comfortable with that, and that I’m truly ready for it, as I’m still chronically ill. I’m praying about it. Only time will tell the direction of his and Dash’s education. I’ll wait on the Lord’s leading.
What I know for sure is this: it may be hard raising three boys while ill. It may be frustrating and overwhelming at times. But what it always is, is worth it. Always worth it. I am honored to be their mommy and hope I do a great job of it. I want my boys to look back on their childhood with joy and fond memories. I want to cultivate close relationships with each of them. I want them to always feel safe with me to express themselves and share their true selves with me. I hope I’m doing that. I hope they know how I really feel about them. I pray they see past my flaws, to the real heart of me as their mother.
I can’t wait to hug them on Friday!