Some days I feel pretty. Most days I feel fat and ugly. I have lost a lot of hair from Lyme disease and gained a lot of weight. It has all affected my self esteem. I’m used to being thin, with a long lean body. I’m used to a thick head of hair. This body I see before me isn’t the real me. But she is who I am stuck with until I am healthy again.

I wear hair pieces sometimes. I wear makeup often. I dress my overweight body as best I can so that I still look attractive. The outside world may say, but you are so pretty the way you are. I just cannot see it that way. Only when I have makeup on, thick fake hair on, and am dressed in something somewhat flattering to my body do I feel halfway attractive.

Only in Instagram pictures do I feel like who I used to be. Close up pictures make you look skinnier. They hide a lot of your flaws. Put me in front of a good camera and you see all my fat, all my ugly.

Family pictures should be a highlight of your year, yet I dread them because I know my real looks will come shining through. The camera will show my overweight body, my fat face, my double chin. I don’t feel like I look as though I fit into my beautiful family.

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It is something I need to work on. I hope there comes a day when I see myself the way God sees me. Until then, I work hard to be beautiful.

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