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this {life} season

i’ve been humbled.

i’ve been changed.

i’ve been a burden.

i’ve drawn closer to God.

i’ve experienced a new level of love and commitment from my husband.

i’ve relied on my mom and she’s been completely devoted to me and my care.

i’ve been in the er, inside an mri machine, had an allergic reaction to the ct scan dye, been to a rheumatologist, blood specialist, endocrinologist, , seen my primary doctor at least 10 times and had countless vials of blood drawn over the recent months.

i’ve gone from run down to fatigue to complete exhaustion. From lightheaded to as close to blacking out as possible without actually blacking out. From tired to groggy to feeling like someone slipped me a sleeping pill during the day. From cold feet to cold hands to cold everything. my periods are messed up, i’ve been breaking out and can’t hardly think. my eyes hurt and can’t handle natural light, i have painful headaches everyday, my hair is falling out, my ankles are still swollen… i could go on but i won’t.

with each passing week i get sicker and sicker. with each passing week they try harder and harder to figure it out.

my life has drastically changed.

so has my families.

so has my heart.

my heart for my husband and my children … my heart for God.

in the months that i first got sick i’ve spent countless hours with the Lord. out of comfort and a strong desire to know Him better. i’ve been in more prayer and tongues and reading of the bible lately than ever before. but mostly, i’ve grown a deeply personal relationship with Him that has helped to bring comfort and peace to my heart in a time where my flesh has had no comfort or peace.

i’m at my worst right now.

my follow up appointment for further testing on my adrenal glands is this friday and i’m willing my body to hold on that long, as I don’t want another trip to the er. for the first time in all of the tests and blood work, something really promising is showing up. and at this point, as strange as it might sound, i don’t care what it is. … i’m ready to face it head on and deal with it.

i’m hopeful.

it’s time for a solid diagnosis.

it’s time for life to be beautiful again.

to be normal.

to be mundane.

to be mine again.

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13 Comments

  1. Dear Nell, sorry to read about this, health issue are a hard thing! But Glad to see that your are getting closer to God trough it all!!!
    .-= Renee´s last blog ..Please mama =-.

  2. Praying for you every day. Now I will begin praying that the doctors find what’s wrong, because the hardest thing a doctor ever said to me was that they couldn’t fix what they couldn’t find. Praying that you will be physically strong. Praying that you and yours will be blessed in many ways.
    .-= Tricia´s last blog ..The OATH =-.

  3. I have not read in a long time and it brings me to tears that i didnt know how bad things have been for you. I willbe praying for your health and for the doctors who treat you. May you find overwhelming peace in the Lord and may he give you the answers you so look for.
    .-= Courtne @ ChaosIsUs´s last blog ..Hey…Over Here…Yes It’s Me =-.

  4. Really sorry to hear about your health problems. I was facing life threatening undiagnosed health problems some years ago and a well respected naturopath helped to unravel all my problems. Hope you manage to find someone who can help you too.

    Sending you love and light
    Katie x
    .-= Katie´s last blog ..Hi everyone =-.

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