My dad came over for the last visit before we move to Texas. We had chili and the kids ran around like mad-men. It was especially sweet to see Dash interacting with my dad. He called him Grandpa easily, like he’d been saying it all his life. They were all so taken with him and it made my heart so happy. I’m going to miss him a lot. I’m mostly sad that the kids won’t be able to see him in person often. But there’s Skype and a guest room in my home and the hope that we’ll see each other at least once a year. Hopefully more!

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Tonight I’m having my Aunt and Grandma and Cousin over. I haven’t seen my Aunt in a very very long time. When I stopped talking to my dad, I stopped talking to everybody. In all fairness, though, I didn’t have much of a relationship with my dad’s side of the family because my parents didn’t really cultivate that with us. That’s really water under the bridge and I’m looking forward to seeing them tonight. However, I’m sick as a dog with Lyme disease and don’t know how I’m going to do this tonight.

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I’ve been pushing myself a lot for 6 weeks or so. A lot goes into buying a house, showing a house, selling a house, getting ready for a big move, and saying goodbye to a lot of people. And though it might not look like it from the picture, I’m feeling rotten again today. I should really have called off the visit but I know how much they want to see us before we leave and I do want to see them also. I just would like to see them when I’m feeling better is all.

Lyme disease is a very strange thing. You can feel fine for a period of time and then out of no where you are hit with symptoms as the disease rears its ugly head. The fatigue, air hunger, sleepiness, and exhaustion are off the charts today. The thing with being chronically ill, is that you don’t want to let the disease control your decisions and your life, since you live with it every day. When you have the flu you don’t mind letting the flu call all the shots. You call into work, you cancel plans, you lay around and feel just fine laying around, because you know you’ll be over it in a week and will be back to yourself soon.

Lyme disease isn’t like the flu. You live with it every single day of your life until you’re healed. It’s been six years. And so, I feel as rotten as you would with a really bad flu bug, but instead of canceling plans, and letting my body do what it really wants to do – lay down and sleep – I’m pushing through and slapping a smile on my face. I will make it through this rough day and I will find the strength to enjoy the company of my family I haven’t seen in forever.

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